True words aren’t charming,
Charming words aren’t true.
Good people aren’t contentious,
Contentious people aren’t good.
People who know aren’t learned,
Learned people don’t know.
– Tao Te Ching –
Competent coach knows how wrong it is (mis)using his authority, punishments and threats in the learning process.
He does not avoid conflicts, nor he allows children or parents to diminish his personal authority, he uses arguments and precisely expresses his stands and decisions. He knows that important part of his job is showing the limits clearly.
After conflicts he is not judgemental, he does not punish nor gives moral lectures. He does not need to win because his goal is co-operation, not competition.
Instead, he reflects what in his behaviour could have led to misunderstanding and when that realises, he tries to change it.
There are days when it is difficult to conduct training.
For some reason kids come more nervous, agitated and tired than other days – we usually call that day Friday.
It is difficult for them to follow what we say, they are not focused on performing exercises and they do something else while we try to explain tactic for a next play. We can react depending on our temperament.
Some will stop talking and wait until they are quiet and attentive.
Other will shout: Quiet!
Kids will know when they crossed the line, some will get scared and others will feel sorry – that is all right. It is important for them to face our emotions.
In both cases, the message is clear: we want silence.
It is important to act authentically and; without additions.
Additions could have various forms:
Blackmail If you do not stop: ”I will send you away from the team!”
Offence: ”Everybody acts normal, only idiots never stop!”
Humiliation: ”I have told you 100 times to stop! Are you stupid, so you cannot understand?”
but also empty and sweet-talking phrases: ”Who behaves well, gets a lollipop. Be a good boy and listen to be for a bit.”