EGO or (A Place where everything Goes my Way) 1/5
THE SIMPLEST DEFINITION OF AN EGO IS
THE IMAGE WE HAVE OF OURSELVES.
The ego is a consequence of the mind’s activity and can have positive and negative consequences. One of them is useful in sports – an increase of self-confidence and one is bad in sports – high self-centredness.
Following natural development, since his birth, Marko passes through different developmental stages in which he has the opportunity to develop the qualities and abilities that create his personality.
At birth, he does not distinguish himself from his mother or father; he is unaware that he is one being, and his mother and father are the other beings. In his mind, they are all one.
When he begins to understand separation, Marko enters the so-called “No-Phase” named after the first reaction to what he feels. When he realises that he is one being, and the mother is another, the natural response to her demands is “no”, and in the background, there is
I decide because I am me,
and you are you,
and we are not one.
Over time, Marko will reconcile with his mother and surroundings as he develops social skills and emotionally aligns with people and events around him.
Those children who do not produce these abilities have more problems than those who develop them and we can conclude that they cause problems to others, but it is them who go through the biggest hardship. They did not develop the skills that would improve their lives and they face it with a disability.
In some people, this condition continues to develop and lasts for a lifetime. To what extent will Marko develop his ego depends on his character and the influence of the environment. Parents who constantly admire his abilities and uncritically praise him, create the preconditions for creating in him an overly high opinion of himself.
Most of the children, however, develop the necessary social skills in time and they enjoy their childhood, family life, and the environment. This enables them to develop all the other useful characteristics and abilities that improve their lives and the lives of the people around them.
The second life period in which we naturally separate from the family is puberty.
This is the time when Marko needs to get emotionally independent and separate from his parents so that he can be free to form a new community, i.e. his family. This is one of the reasons why this life period is often hectic.
Reasons may be different, and most often they include possessive parents who have excessively bonded with the child, and vice versa; the unpolished character of the child which does not permit him a peaceful separation, or because of the fears he is not able to separate, whether the separation was extremely harsh and manifested itself through the total denial of the parents; state in a society that prevents separation postpones it until reaching mid-life, etc.
Puberty is another great opportunity to create a strong ego because Marko turns into an emotionally, intellectually or materialistically independent adult. Relationships with parents and the environment need to be redefined, especially if he has not been raised in the spirit of equal dignity.
If he grew up in an authoritarian environment, he would become authoritarian, obedient, or perhaps competent.
If he grew up in a democratic environment, he would become (remain) authoritarian, helpless, or perhaps competent.
If he grew up in the spirit of equality, he may have already established a healthy relationship with the family and the environment, and he might have indulged in some bad relationship with the environment (Learning creativity in sport, pgs. 65 – 84).
How important and complicated it is, can be seen daily in “ego trips” on one side, or helpless obedience on the other.
In puberty, when Marko, a talented handball player starts to become a man and passes through the described life changes, he is more and more often praised for a well-played match or is increasingly compared to others as being better than the other players of his age. What is more, maybe the glittering future is predicted to him.
All of the above are powerful impulses for the excessive growth of his ego because:
He is worth more than the others.
Read more: Ego 2/5